A Yom Kippur Love Affair

by Anne Goldberg


This (2007) has been my first year fully immersed in the traditions, teachings and ritual of the sanctified time of year that ended yesterday with Yom Kippur. I've been on a spiritual ride that has given me enormous personal growth and insight, and I write this from a place of awe and gratitude for the experience.

The foundation

It seems that within the months of Av, Elul and Tishri there are powerful energies of introspection and change. It is clear (at least to me) that Torah, working from these energies, contains sequential and combinable wisdom and rituals that become a platform for transformation - a platform built with the sermons, services and ceremonies of Rabbi Marc and Rabbi Phil. Each successive one built on the other, helping to deepen my understanding of the meaning and relevance and beauty of Judaism as experienced through these engaging, playful and thoroughly authentic mystics.

In the weeks leading up to High Holy Days, Rabbi Marc talked to us about opening our hearts to the truth of who we have been this past year. We were asked to look at and to admit where we might have fallen short, where we might have sinned. In ancient Judaism a sin is simply "missing the mark," i.e. something that can be done differently-simple, but not always easy. And in those weeks, with the help of my friends and my community, I did just that. I opened my heart, looked within and tried to see where I'd missed the mark in my life.

The tapestry

Rabbi Marc weaves information and ideas, cannily communicating ancient, deeply spiritual truths that are in sync with the intrinsic energies of astrology and tradition. As I understand it, Av, Elul and Tishri are about breaking down our defenses and supporting the uncovering of secrets; of opening those dark places to bring in the cleansing light of (self) love and forgiveness, and moving forward with, faith and purpose under grace. In this yearly self-inventory, we are guided to follow the rhythm of ancient, universal truths and recognize that, in its Divine wisdom, ancient Judaism synchronizes with earth energies in creating a calendar of events that supports us in our spiritual growth. How lucky we are to have Rabbis who help us navigate through these energies! And so we each are asked to identify and let go of the habits and patterns that no longer serve us, those around us or the planet.

At Selichot, we were guided to really look at those things; to name them and say them and release them. Then we were asked to surrender - to let go completely and trust that we will be caught safely in the arms of the Divine... or in the arms of those we love and who love us... also divine.

On Rosh Hashanah, Rabbi Marc admonished us to do the"hokey pokey"and turn ourselves around. End those patterns! It was profound and caused me to think about who I am now and who I want to be moving forward. As a result I have made - and continue to make - changes so I am more closely that person I strive to be. I made some amends that were long overdue. I asked for forgiveness and I forgave. It was liberating. I feel lighter.

The union

Erev Yom Kippur was the trampoline for the final big jump into the new. Prayer, meditation and song primed us for the Big Day. And as homage to this process, for Yom Kippur services I wore my "romantic" perfume instead of my "day" fragrance. I did that because I decided that Yom Kippur was a day that I would have a love-affair with myself. After all, for whom have I done all this hard work? Me! For whom was I fasting? Me! And why? Because I love myself and I deserve to put in the effort to make me happy the way I want to help others to be happy. I'm worth it!

Yom Kippur is the culmination of weeks of preparation: of opening, of releasing and of renewing, stretching our limits and going through some pain (although the fasting was pretty easy) to purge and cleanse the dark places within. (Morning Torah prayer: Thank you God for giving me the tools to bring everything to light.)

Yom Kippur is when I am asked to walk the path of self-transformation, to honor the truth of who I am. On Yom Kippur I became One with my holy center and understood my Divine Partnership. (Morning Torah: Thank you God for this life of boundless freedom and limitless possibilities.)

On Yom Kippur I am reminded that I am here to embody the Divine. (Thank you God for allowing me to wear your garments, to be your angel on earth... once more, the beauty of Torah.) On Yom Kippur I am reminded that Divine Miracles happen all the time and that I am one of them. I am reminded that God is always listening. (Shema) I just have to carefully watch what I say. (Psalm 34: Care for your words for they form your world) or as we say in the modern world, be careful what you wish for. On Yom Kippur I am reminded that I am part of something so much larger than myself and that anything other than love is not real.

And so on Yom Kippur, I had a love affair with myself - and it was good!

L'Shana Tova. I love each and every one of you. My New Year wish for you is that you receive the boundless treasures you so richly deserve.

Anne Goldberg